Eight Ways to Say No With Grace and Style

From Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less 

1. The awkward pause. Instead of being controlled by the threat of an awkward silence, own it. Use it as a tool. When a request comes to you (obviously this works only in person), just pause for a moment. Count to three before delivering your verdict. Or if you get a bit more bold, simply wait for the other person to fill the void.

2. The soft “no” (or the “no but”). I recently received an e-mail inviting me to coffee. I replied: “I am consumed with writing my book right now :) But I would love to get together once the book is finished. Let me know if we can get together towards the end of the summer.”

E-mail is also a good way to start practicing saying “no but” because it gives you the chance to draft and redraft your “no” to make it as graceful as possible. Plus, many people find that the distance of e-mail reduces the fear of awkwardness.

3. “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” One leader I know found her time being hijacked by other people all day. A classic Nonessentialist, she was capable and smart and unable to say no, and as a result she soon became a “go to” person. People would run up to her and say, “Could you help with X project?” Meaning to be a good citizen, she said yes. But soon she felt burdened with all of these different agendas. Things changed for her when she learned to use a new phrase: “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” It gave her the time to pause and reflect and ultimately reply that she was regretfully unavailable. It enabled her to take back control of her own decisions rather than be rushed into a “yes” when she was asked.

4. Use e-mail bouncebacks. It is totally natural and expected to get an autoresponse when someone is traveling or out of the office. Really, this is the most socially acceptable “no” there is. People aren’t saying they don’t want to reply to your e-mail, they’re just saying they can’t get back to you for a period of time. So why limit these to vacations and holidays? When I was writing this book I set an e-mail bounceback with the subject line “In Monk Mode.” The e-mail said: “Dear Friends, I am currently working on a new book which has put enormous burdens on my time. Unfortunately, I am unable to respond in the manner I would like. For this, I apologize.—Greg.” And guess what? People seemed to adapt to my temporary absence and nonresponsiveness just fine.

5. Say, “Yes. What should I deprioritize?” Saying no to a senior leader at work is almost unthinkable, even laughable, for many people. However, when saying yes is going to compromise your ability to make the highest level of contribution to your work, it is also your obligation. In this case it is not only reasonable to say no, it is essential. One effective way to do that is to remind your superiors what you would be neglecting if you said yes and force them to grapple with the trade-off.

For example, if your manager comes to you and asks you to do X, you can respond with “Yes, I’m happy to make this the priority. Which of these other projects should I deprioritize to pay attention to this new project?” Or simply say, “I would want to do a great job, and given my other commitments I wouldn’t be able to do a job I was proud of if I took this on.”

I know a leader who received this response from a subordinate. There was no way he wanted to be responsible for disrupting this productive and organized employee, so he took the nonessential work project back and gave it to someone else who was less organized!

6. Say it with humor. I recently was asked by a friend to join him in training for a marathon. My response was simple: “Nope!” He laughed a little and said, “Ah, you practice what you preach.” Just goes to show how useful it is to have a reputation as an Essentialist!

7. Use the words “You are welcome to X. I am willing to Y.” For example, “You are welcome to borrow my car. I am willing to make sure the keys are here for you.” By this you are also saying, “I won’t be able to drive you.” You are saying what you will not do, but you are couching it in terms of what you are willing to do. This is a particularly good way to navigate a request you would like to support somewhat but cannot throw your full weight behind. I particularly like this construct because it also expresses a respect for the other person’s ability to choose, as well as your own. It reminds both parties of the choices they have.

8. “I can’t do it, but X might be interested.” It is tempting to think that our help is uniquely invaluable, but often people requesting something don’t really care if we’re the ones who help them— as long as they get the help.

World History links

http://historytech.wordpress.com/2014/08/28/24-great-places-to-find-primary-sources/

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BxJlX8ZUMUWSUEt5SWp5OThSSE0/preview?pli=1

http://www.wdl.org/en/

http://www.fordham.edu/Halsall/index.asp

http://www.bbc.co.uk/ahistoryoftheworld/

http://chnm.gmu.edu/worldhistorysources/index.html

http://www.socialstudiescentral.com/content/primary-sources

How Do People Get New Ideas?

Source:  http://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2014/11/how-do-people-get-new-ideas/

In a previously unpublished 1959 essay, Isaac Asimov explores how people get new ideas.

Echoing Einstein and Seneca, Asimov believes that new ideas come from combining things together. Steve Jobs thought the same thing.

What if the same earth-shaking idea occurred to two men, simultaneously and independently? Perhaps, the common factors involved would be illuminating. Consider the theory of evolution by natural selection, independently created by Charles Darwin and Alfred Wallace.

There is a great deal in common there. Both traveled to far places, observing strange species of plants and animals and the manner in which they varied from place to place. Both were keenly interested in finding an explanation for this, and both failed until each happened to read Malthus’s “Essay on Population.”

Both then saw how the notion of overpopulation and weeding out (which Malthus had applied to human beings) would fit into the doctrine of evolution by natural selection (if applied to species generally).

Obviously, then, what is needed is not only people with a good background in a particular field, but also people capable of making a connection between item 1 and item 2 which might not ordinarily seem connected.

Undoubtedly in the first half of the 19th century, a great many naturalists had studied the manner in which species were differentiated among themselves. A great many people had read Malthus. Perhaps some both studied species and read Malthus. But what you needed was someone who studied species, read Malthus, and had the ability to make a cross-connection.

Must Reading for Training and Conditioning Enthusiasts

Source:  http://www.enhancedfp.com/training/must-reading-training-and-conditioning-enthusiasts

Muscle Training by Ken Kinakin, 2004 ISBN: 0-7360-4679-8

The design of this book is intended to educate trainers, therapists and weight-training participants. The book describes how to assess a person’s functional level and then find out how to optimize that person’s potential for training. The use of functional anatomy to describe the risk-benefit ratio for given weight-training exercises is a great resource for designing safe and effective weight training programs.

Essentials of Strength Training and Conditioning [NSCA] Thomas R. Baechle and Roger W. Earle editors. 2000 2nd edition. ISBN: 0-7360-0089-5

This is the encyclopedia of training and conditioning. All aspects of training are covered. This is the definitive text for those who wish to learn the essentials necessary to become a certified strength and conditioning specialist.

Functional Training for Sports by Michael Boyle, 2004 ISBN: 0-7360-4681-X

A thoughtful presentation to provide background on the development of a functional training system. Functional training is developed with the intent to improve sport skills and performance. Mike describes the basics and then provides sample programs aimed at various sport types.

Functional Training: Breaking the Bonds of Traditionalism Companion Guide. By Juan Carlos Santana. 2000. ISBN: 0-9708116-1-6

A great follow up reading to Mike Boyle’s book. Juan has some great training methods and is not limited to machine training. He uses scientifically based training methods that will add variety to any training scheme.

Supertraining by Mel C. Siff Phd. 2003 ISBN: 1-874856-65-6

The bible of training. If you are going to train based on science you had better read this book. It is technical but thought provoking so you must take your time reading it. 478 pages. Knowledge is power!   

This book is on sale at  www.elitefts.com right now.

Facts and Fallacies of Fitness by Mel C. Siff Phd. 2003 ISBN: 1-868-183-8

The book that straightens out the facts on training. Mel has used this book as a digest for his classic Supertraining manual. All of his discussions are annotated and based on the latest research. He gives both points of view on subjects and is well versed in the history of selected health and training protocols that are discussed. MUST READ.

Science and Practice of Strength Training by Vladimir M. Zatsiorsky 1995 ISBN: 0-87322-474-4

This book is heavily influenced by the Eastern Europeon training methods. This is a textbook on training and practical experience. Well-organized and comprehensive. The information is all backed by research and is dedicated to show you how to train without drugs.

Explosive Power and Jumping Ability for All Sports. By Tadeusz Starzynski and Henryk Sozanski, Phd. 1995. ISBN: 0-940149-09-5

This book organizes and systemizes knowledge on training for explosive strength. The principles are universal and can be applied to all sports movements.

Modern Trends in Strength Training by Charles Poliquin , Vol. 1 Reps and Sets 3rd edition.

Mr. Poliquin posses the question that there is no magical way to train. Manipulating your volume and sets in your training scheme will give you optimal strength gains. He provides a training system to achieve this goal.

Science of Sports Training by Thomas Kurz. 2001. ISBN: 0-940149-10-9.

Another encyclopedia of training. This book covers it all and provides clear and informative information on a variety of topics. The information is easy to read and well organized into chapters on the elements of sports training. The book gives you the ability to plan and control training for top performance based on science.

Ultimate Back Fitness and Performance by Stuart McGill, Phd. 2004. ISBN: 0-9735018-0-4.

The best book on the market that can explain how the back functions and describe the injury mechanisms of the spine. Once you have learned how the back operates the author than explains how to train the back to provide a foundation for safe activites. He also explains that athletes take greater risks in their training schemes. He then discusses proper training techniques to minimize back dysfunction.

Children & Sports Training. Jozef Drabik, Phd. 1996. ISBN: 0-940149-03-6.

Sound training methods for children exist. This book sorts out the practices that are science based. The book is based on longitudinal studies on children in Eastern Europeon countries. Clear cut training schemes for children are discussed on an age related continuum. MUST READ!

Practical Programming for Strength Training by Mark Rippetoe And Lon Kilgore ISBN: 0976805413.

Practical Programming offers a different approach to exercise programming than that typically found in other exercise texts. Based on a combined 60+ years of academic expertise, elite-level coaching experience, and the observation of thousands of novice trainees, the authors present a chronological analysis of the response to exercise as it varies through the training history of the athlete, one that reflects the realities of human physiology, sports psychology, and common sense. Contrary to the one-size-fits-all models of periodization offered elsewhere, Practical Programming explains the differences in response to exercise commonly observed between athletes at the novice, intermediate, and advanced levels, explains these differences in the context of the relevant exercise science, and presents new training models that actually work for athletes at all levels of experience. Complete with new, innovative graphical representations of cutting-edge concepts in exercise programming, Practical Programming is sure to become a standard reference in the field of exercise and human performance.

Dinosaur Training: Lost Secrets of Strength and Development by Brooks Kubric.

New and destined to be one of the most talked about books ever written for the weight training world! Finally, a weight training book that focuses on: real world strength training; becoming more powerful; building functional muscle; strengthening the tendons and ligaments; thick bar training; heavy weights; power rack work; heavy grip work; sandbag & barrel lifting; heavy support work; effort; dedication; perseverance; concentration; determination; mental toughness; and the kind of hard nosed attitude that has all but disappeared from the Iron Game. Written by famous strength training author and editor/publisher of The Dinosaur Files, Brooks D. Kubik, a man who has studied serious strength training his entire lifetime! "The best hard-core strength training book ever written." -Bob Whelan. A 5 1/2 x 8 1/2 trade paperback with 196 pages. Get a copy today, you'll love it!

Nutritional Supplements: What Works and Why. A Review from A to Zinc and Beyond By Joe Cannon

The Grip Master's Manual By John Brookfield

Moving beyond Mastery of Hand Strength, John Brookfield continues his tradition of breaking new ground in grip training: John's creative new exercises and unbridled enthusiasm are what The Grip Master's Manual is all about. John begins with some general training pointers, including how to practice good hand health, and then shows you how to build your overall upper body and lower arm strength, laying a foundation for the specific hand and lower arm training that follows. And what follows is typical of John: a wide array of innovative techniques and exercises designed to motivate and challenge you -- and to build your hand strength from every conceivable angle, along with your dexterity and muscle control. John, who invented what are now commonly called "strap holds," is also your guide to "climbing the mountain" to close the No. 3 Captains of Crush Gripper. Finally, John leads you through the consummate grip master's repertoire: bending steel bars, bending horseshoes, coiling and scrolling iron, bending nails, and even tearing cards. John wrote this book to help you take your hand strength to the next level, and if you follow his advice, we're sure you will get there and then some. If you want to be a grip master in the true sense of the word, get your hands on The Grip Master's Manual and then go out and crush a can of Coke.

The Warrior Diet By Ori Hofmekler

Along with the many benefits of leisure-class living comes obesity and its attendant ailments. In The Warrior Diet, Ori Hofmekler looks not forward but backward for a solution–to the primal habits of early cultures such as nomads and hunter-gatherers, the Greeks, and the Romans. Based on survival science, this book proposes not ordinary dietary changes but rather a radical yet surprisingly simple lifestyle overhaul.

Maximum Strength: Get Your Strongest Body in 16 Weeks By Eric Cressey

Most of the 23 million American men who lift weights do so to get bigger; unfortunately, many of them are going nowhere with watered-down bodybuilding routines that don’t help them actually get stronger. Eric Cressey’s cutting-edge four-phase program, featuring constant progression, variation, and inspiring goals, keeps you focused on increasing strength along with muscle mass, helping you achieve the fittest, most energetic, and best-looking body you’ve ever had-with fewer hours at the gym.

High-Threshold Muscle Building By Christian Thibaudeau

Top Olympic lifters have it, elite gymnasts excel because of it, sprinters break the speed of light driven by it, high level bodybuilders get huge because of it. . . THE CAPACITY TO MAXIMALLY STIMULATE THE HIGH-THRESHOLD MOTOR UNITS! This is what separates the best from the rest. The fast-twitch fibers that compose the high-threshold motorunits (HTMU) exceed, by a humongous margin, the hypertrophy potential of low and medium-threshold fibers that too many of us rely on in our everyday training sessions.

Starting Strength (2nd edition) By Mark Rippetoe

Starting Strength: Basic Barbell Training is the new expanded version of the book that has been called "the best and most useful of fitness books." It picks up where Starting Strength: A Simple and Practical Guide for Coaching Beginners leaves off. With all new graphics and more than 750 illustrations, a more detailed analysis of the five most important exercises in the weight room, and a new chapter dealing with the most important assistance exercises, Basic Barbell Training offers the most complete examination in print of the most effective way to exercise.

The Purposeful Primitive By Marty Gallagher

From Olympic lifting to power lifting and bodybuilding, whether muscle gain or fat loss, from cooking to supplements, from changing exercise and eating habits to molding the psychology of a champion (whether one is even remotely interested in competition or not), Marty has covered it all. I only wish I had had a book like this when I was growing up and trying my best to get bigger and stronger. Marty has demonstrated, without question, that he is the current and undeniably best trainer of champions and ultimate guide to physical and mental transformation. This book not only provides the simplest instructions and cheapest financial and lifestyle requirements, it is absolutely the single best book ever written on being the best you can be physically and otherwise.

James E. Wright, Ph.D, former Director of Sports Science, U.S. Army Physical Fitness School; former Health and Science Editor, Flex Magazine --James E. Wright, Ph.D

Training For Warriors By Martin Rooney

To be a warrior, you must train like a warrior Discover the training secrets that have produced World Champions in MMA, Submission Grappling, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and Judo. More than 750 color photos will show you how to perform hundreds of exercises designed to specifically target each area of your body. You'll also learn:

Nutrition and safe weight-cutting tips Information on dealing with injuries Advice on the warrior mind and mental game The ultimate 8-week warrior workout plan

Whether you are a fighter or just want to look like one, Training for Warriors is a proven, comprehensive system to get you fit for whatever battle life throws at you

Eric Cressey: Five Resistance Training Myths in the Running World

Breaks down the following myths, explaining why each is false:

Myth #1: Runners don’t need to resistance train.  

There are ate least 5 good reasons why this is not true!

Myth #2: Machines are just as good as free weights.

Isolation is not athletic, does not build muscle-nervous system connections.

Myth #3: Yoga and Pilates “count” as resistance training.

Unless you gain weight to add resistance, no.

Myth #4: Super-slow training is valuable.

Doesn't recruit enough muscle, asynchronous recruitment.

Myth #5: Runners should avoid heavy weights and dynamic lifts.

And more, about how lifting will make runners bigger or interfere with training.

http://www.ericcressey.com/five-resistance-training-myths-in-the-running-world

Is Perfect Squat Form a Myth?

http://www.mikereinold.com/2014/11/perfect-squat-form-myth.html

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Description:  http://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2014/11/cheryl-strayed-tiny-beautiful-things/

Link to the book at Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0307949338/farnamstreet-20

Steven Pinker: How to Be a Better Writer

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/11/how-to-be-a-better-writer/